Honestly. If I hear one more group trot out that same tired arrangement of “Zombie Jamboree”, I’m going to friggin’ PUKE. I don’t know what idiot had the hair-brained idea to make that namby-pamby Kingston Trio number into an a cappella song in the first place, but I haven’t been to a show in ten years without having to hear some no-account group wheezing their way through it.
Same goes for that Mint Juleps version of “Higher and Higher”, only double. I know there aren’t as many good songs out there for the gals to sing, but just try something else for Pete’s sake. This is the arrangement that spawned a thousand unearned, unasked-for encores from mediocre college girl groups. It never fails. Just when you think they’re finished with their little show, they come lurching back out as the applause dies out, dragging this tired old warhorse behind them. And when some pasty girl staring at her shoelaces starts in with the “Mmmm..hmmm…1-2-3-4”, that’s ol’ Pug’s cue to visit the can.
Now, now -- relax. I like the girl groups plenty. And you boys are just as bad when you do that Limp Biscuit and Stained stuff. And especially, especially Eminem. Do you really think that you’re “street” and “jiggy”? Do you really think the girls will think you’re tough? I can tell you a few things about being tough, believe me, and it doesn’t come from strutting around with your pants halfway down like you’re in some Snoopy Snoopy Dog video. Please, son -- no real man would drop his pants in public like that.
But the thing that sets ol’ Pug off the most has to be co-ed groups doing “Africa”. The next time I hear this musical turd, I’m going to hit someone on the head with the business end a ball peen hammer. You’ve got all of the guys who couldn’t get into the best men’s groups, with the girls who want to be in guys groups, singing some song that I didn’t even like when it was on the radio. I don’t care about “testing the rains”, and I don’t think any of you know what the Hell you’re singing about, either. Yet you sing every last bit of it, yes you do.
And what’s with all of this “chugga-chugga doom-doom” crapola? I guess clean sounds like “ah” and “ooh” aren’t good enough for you, huh? Maybe it’s because you can’t keep a note in tune for very long, and you figure if you’re going “ziggy-ziggy chuck-a-chuck”, no one will notice. Well, ol’ Pug’s on to you. Cut it out. And if you need that stuff to make an arrangement work, guess what? It’s a lame song.
So for crying out loud, if you don’t want to make a cappella into the butt of the joke in Christopher Guest's next movie, take more care when you’re picking your tunes. You’re never going to earn anyone’s respect by vomiting out the same lame bunk.
p.s. – Stop doing lame-ass skits, too. You’re not Jerry Lewis, and as The Bob's like to say – “Shut Up and Sing”!
Pug James is a big a cappella fan, and he knows what works. He doesn't care if you don't like what he thinks, and you can write him at wmpjames@yahoo.com if you want more abuse.
Here are responses to this column -Ed.
Date: Sat, 12 Nov 2005
14:49:05
Subject: Well Done...
From: Marty Gasper
To:
Pug,
I read you¹re recent article on CASA.org.
Brilliant.
MARTY
Marty Gasper
BLUE JUPITER
Business Manager - Producer/Engineer - Composer/Arranger
marty@bluejupiter.com
http://www.bluejupiter.com
917-687-0429
Hi Marty,
You seem like a very nice young man, and my husband appreciates your support. I think I know someone who deserves a shiny new pitchpipe for Christmas this year!
xoxo
Mrs. Pug James
------------------------------------------------
Date: Sat, 12 Nov 2005
21:34:110800
From: Tim
tim@moosebutter.com
To: wmpjames@yahoo.com
Mr. Pug, sir, you be my hero.
T.
Hello, Mr. T,
You seem like a very nice young man. My husband appreciates that you recognize his service to his country, even if it was in a "forgotten war." You absolutely made his day, and he salutes you.
God bless,
Mrs. Pug James
------------------------------------------------
From: "Kevin & Amanda"
kevincollar@hotmail.com
To: wmpjames@yahoo.com
Subject: I sooo agree with you
Date: Fri, 11 Nov 2005 18:36:26
but...
what songs would you recommend that starting out a-cappella groups do? Something without the wooga woogas and stuff you talked about...cause I have been trying to figure out what kinds and what songs to arrange a-cappella style? what would you like to hear???
email back as soon as you can...or msg me on yahoo: zhanefromko35@yahoo.com
Kevin Collar
Tenor and member of The Nth Degree
Kingston Townsmen - Ontario District
Tenor, Lead and Member of Board of Directors
The Quinte Regional Trentones - Ontario District
Hello Kevin,
You seem like a very nice young man, and I apologize that my husband isn't able to reply to you himself. I'm afraid that nice boy Deke really did upset him so!
If I may be so bold as to try and guess what my dear Pug might say, I think at heart he'd want you to sing whatever makes you happy. Pug and his friends were
always trying the newest songs back on the streetcorner, and they were always so proud when they found one that worked!
Of course, at the end of the night they always went back to singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" -- not that that makes him a hypocrite! He just always loved singing that song so much.
And when you love the songs you're singing, it's hard for the people listening not to love it too.
With love,
Mrs. Pug James
------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 11 Nov 2005
13:24:04 -0800 (PST)
From: Blair Jacobs
ballinthehousejacks@yahoo.com
Subject: Response to "Stop Singing Lame Songs"
To: wmpjames@yahoo.com
CC: ballinthehousejacks@yahoo.com
Dear Pug,
I take offense to your posting on casa.org which is dated November 11, 2005. I am a member of the a cappella group Ball In the House Jacks, and we pride ourselves in covering the "classic" a cappella tunes from the 80s and 90s. We are a co-ed group with 15 members, all of who love to sing these classic a cappella songs. We are currently working on our new CD that will cover the following tunes (which, I must add, our fans are constantly asking us to perform):
Africa
Big Yellow Taxi
Boardwalk
Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy
Come on Eileen
Higher and Higher
The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Rio
Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego
Zombie Jamboree
There will also be a special hidden track of "Rhapsody in Blue" in the middle.
We have just sent in our demo tape to the Harmony Sweepstakes here in Boston, and will be hearing in January if we will be part of the competition. I will be sure to have us add in an Oingo Boingo song to our mix for the competition, just to show you that there are lots of folks out there who appreciate good clean classic a cappella.
I hope you'll pick up a copy of our CD, called "Come On, Do [Re] Me", when it's available, and we can convert you to a good-old 80s and 90s classic a cappella lover!
Sincerely,
Blair Jacobs (BJ), for Ball In the House Jacks
Dear Blair,
You seem like a very nice young person. My husband was quite distressed by your e-mail, but it really does serve him right for being such a stick-in-the-mud. I'm sure your little group is just wonderful, and we wish you the best for the future.
With love,
Mrs. Pug James
Click on the wrench in the upper left-hand corner to see what else you can do.