So you've rehearsed every Monday night since the Clinton administration, your scripted stage patter is urbane yet folksy, you've picked out matching outfits and, dagnamit, you're finally ready to become the gigging machine of your fantasies. All you've got to do is convince several local clubs to book you for a prime slot, get a great turnout, the audience goes friggin' nuts, the gals want to be with you, guys want to be you, your home-burned CDs fly off the table, even the bartender lines up to sign your mailing list, the club makes money, you make money, everybody's happy, and your gigging career is off to an effortlessly fabulous start, right? Wrong!
Getting gigs, especially when you're an unknown quantity, is ball-bustingly hard work, courtesy of the dreaded middle man that slippery, ornery venue booker that stands as the gate keeper (more like a bouncer) between you and your beloved audience.
And then there's the skewed economics of the club scene: If you draw 20 people who each pay ten bucks and order a beer and a burger, the club will gross $500 smackers, but will likely pay you $50 to $100 if at all. Sure, they've got overhead (rent, wait staff, sound guy, blah blah blah), but hey, that's not your problem. Your friends, family and fans paid to see you; they didn't come for the long wait in the crappy club, the overpriced beer, the overcooked burger or the hunched sound guy with the perma-scowl.
I say fuck the middleman (shit; can I say "fuck" here?), or at least leapfrog him. Through the miracle of the burgeoning "house concert" phenomenon, you can take your talent right to the source the paying customers who want to see you shake your fine booty, flex your perfectly twitching pecs, sing in blissfully perfect harmony, or whatever your winning act consists of.
What is a "house concert"? Its a delightful throwback to a simpler time when homeowners would open their doors to traveling minstrels in the dead of winter and, in exchange for a spirited performance, give these retched souls a place to warm their blue fingers by the fire, bathe their fetid bodies and tearstained faces, pluck themselves free of lice (some with fangs as large as tusks), and give them sustenance (usually porridge, sometimes dust or dirt) and a warm bed to lay their heavy-hearted heads. Good times. With inflation, the wage has increased; now theres cash involved, but the gist of the exercise remains the same: musician sings, patron pays. Heres my personal set of rules, which you will want to alter to suit your acts specific needs.
House Concerts: Seans "How To"
WHERE?
The host's living room (or apartment or back yard or office or dormitory lounge or synagogue rec room or church basement) becomes the setting for a solo acoustic performance. For most indoor spaces, amplification isn't necessary.
HOW LONG?
I do two 35-40 minute sets with a shmooze-snack break in between. The entire event usually takes 2 1/2 hours. At the host's discretion, I can also play one long set without a break.
FEE
Negotiable, depending on location (I'm a cheap date in my home town of New York City). I'm available to perform anywhere in the world, but it may be the host's responsibility to pay for my travel and housing unless I'm already on tour in that area. I require a down payment of 50% upon booking.
PUBLIC OR PRIVATE?
Your choice. You might want me all to yourselves, you might want me for a family gathering, or you might want to open up the event to the public and charge admission to offset your expenses. It's up to you. Remember, though, it has to be an audience prepared to sit and listen to a concert; I don't provide background music while guests mingle!
PUBLICITY
If you'd like to announce the event to the public, I will provide you with e-mailable photos and bio information. At your discretion, I will also send an announcement to my e-mail list and advertise the event on my web site. You may also choose to design a web page specifically for the event.
WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?
This is a direct quote from the kind host of a successful concert: "Pretzels ... $5, Beer ... $25, cookies ... $10, Sean Altman doing vocal warmups in my shower ... PRICELESS!" No waiting around at clubs, no smoke-filled bars, no age restrictions, no ear-shredding sound systems; just an intimate, interactive evening where I and my audience get to enjoy each other's company ... in your house. How cool is that?
REFRESHMENTS & SEATING
If the event is public, then the host usually provides soft drinks and snacks (booze optional but welcome), and sometimes guests are invited to bring beer and other edibles. The host provides seating via folding chairs and/or couches, or guests may be instructed to bring their own folding chairs. Kids are welcome and sometimes sit on the floor. I'm a friend to all pets as long as they like pop music.
STAGING
I usually perform house concerts solo acoustic, which means it's just me and my guitar, unplugged, so I need very little space. Occasionally I bring another musician who might need an electrical outlet. For outdoor or back yard events, I will provide a small PA system for an additional fee. If it's a night time outdoor gig, I require some simple lighting. I always need a small table to display and sell my CDs.
SLEEPOVER
I may need a bed for the night, but rest assured; I'm a perfect house guest.
HOW TO BOOK IT
E-mail sa@seanaltman.com and we'll discuss all details.
"Imagine Dion meeting Marshall Crenshaw at the Beatles' house, with the
Kinks, Beach Boys, Four Seasons and Persuasions all dropping by for a song
swap....The words have a cynical edge, but what really grabs you is the
old-fashioned sweetness and punch of Altman's neo-doowop vocals playing off
incredibly hook-happy tunes..." PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS
"His silky tenor voice produced chills..." -NEW YORK TIMES
"Absurdly talented...Power-pop mensch and aspiring teen cult leader" -VILLAGE VOICE
"A quirky mix of killer hooks and cheeky instrumentation" -TIME OUT NY
"The CD blows me away. This guy is the anti-Kurt Cobain" -NEW YORK PRESS
"A pure popster....An eclectic and eccentric edge" -GOLDMINE
"This record rocks....Barbed, diverse, resilient, post-modern" -HITS MAG
1. Written by billyevil on 20-02-2008 10:44 - Registered
concerns about this..
I read about this method last night on your website, and was blown away by how obvious an idea this was, but kept thinking why don't more people do this?
Are there real big risks involved, as I'd be nervous about going into someone's home or spending the night and not being too certain what I would be exposed to.
Any advice on how to be sure you're not being booked to walk into a room with a stalker and seven cardboard cutouts of yourself sleeping? Can you really be sure, or do you just have to have faith that you'll be able to jump out a window and flag down a bus if things get out of control?
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